Beyond the Gender War
by John-117sp
Summary: Takes place towards the end of the season 20 episode "Skank Hunt". An OC couple's relationship is hamstringed by the upcoming gender war. One-shot.


**I actually completed this over a week ago but held off posting it on this site until now.**

* * *

Ten-year-old Tyler Hoffman sat down at his bedroom clacking away at his computer keyboard, wearing his usual black hoodie, black pants, and aviator goggles that had a white band and gold-rimmed clear lenses, his black hair touching his neckline, bangs slightly covering his green eyes. His father used to serve as pilot in the U.S. Air Force wearing the exact same goggles, so Tyler wore it proudly, despite having no passion for joining the military later in his life. Wearing headphones that didn't cancel outside sound, he could hear his friends Preston Marlowe and Ivan Taylor talk about the most recent World of Warcraft arena match they lost.

"So bullshit, that warrior killed me through Power Word: Shield and Disperson, even when I had Devouring Plague on him." The match pretty much resulted in Tyler getting blown up even though he used his defensive cooldowns. "Preston, why didn't you BOP me?" BOP is often an acronym for the spell Hand of Protection - despite starting with the letter B, because it used to be called Blessing of Protection. "You could at least use Repentance or something."

"I sat full fear, and I didn't take the fear reduction talent, and I had no trinket," Preston replied. "And besides, Ivan could have planted tremor."

"Enemy r-sham put down cleansing totem," Ivan added, "so no, Tyler. And to your comment, warlock pet Spell Locked me on nature, I was trying to top Tyler off."

"Well, mistakes were made, also had Turn Evil off cooldown, and - oh, queue popped," Preston continued.

Once Tyler accepted the queue, his WoW avatar, along with Preston's and Ivan's, were placed into the starting room of another match. When the enemies popped up on the right side of the screen, he saw that he would be fighting against a Warrior-Shaman-Paladin team. "Okay, I doubt the paladin's retribution, and it looks the shaman's definitely ele, he has the ele raid buff on him."

"Wait a minute..." Ivan paused for a brief second before continuing on. "Staniscool, Sparkstreams, and Flufflightzy? That's fucking Stan Marsh, Kyle Broflovski, and Butters Stotch."

"Oh dude, that is easy. Fucking. Rating." Tyler let out a laugh. "Kyle's a hella trash ele, and Stan and Butters aren't that good either."

"Keep earth shield on me," Preston suggested, "so Kyle doesn't purge off my wings."

"Kyle doesn't even purge," Tyler reminded. "They only got their rating because their PvE gear hella carried them, and all they really do is do their DPS rotation."

"They'll try to tunnel me, so just BOP me when I ask for it Preston," Ivan said.

"I'll just open up with MD, fuck with all their buffs." MD is an acronym for Mass Dispel. "And also-"

But then there was a ding in their Discord chat, followed by a feminine voice, a certain feminine voice Tyler did not want to hear right now. "Tyler!"

"Wendy, get off the fucking voice chat!" Wendy Testaburger is Tyler's cousin, related because both their mothers are sisters to each other. Tyler's mother is older than Wendy's mother by two years.

"Tyler, you have to listen!" Tyler let out a sigh. Whenever Wendy tried to tell Tyler something important, every time, Tyler would taunt her, and every time Wendy would turn out to be right. Thus, he stopped moving his character in-game. "You and Ellen Joseph are still together, right?"

Tyler let out a groan. The same question was asked all the time to him. "Yes, Wendy, you don't have to ask every time you stupid."

"It's about Skankhunt42!"

"I don't care about skankhunt42, and I'm not him either!"

"I know that, but you should care! Because the girls are planning something tomorrow. You have to get things right with Ellen. I can't save Stan, but you can save Ellen."

Tyler let out another groan, this one much louder. "Why you ought to be so frickin' cryptic all the damn time? It's seriously annoying. Stop it. Did Stan get you into this chat room to distract me because he knows I'll dumpster him in WoW?"

"Wait, Stan's playing WoW right now?" Wendy asked. "Can I at least talk to him?"

"No, because he's not in this chat room, and he's on the other team, we're playing against him!" Tyler yelled.

"But-"

However, Wendy's voice abruptly ended, followed by Preston's voice. "Had to kick her from chat, we lost 'cause of her."

At that moment, Tyler realized that his character had died right at the starting gate, not able to act at all due to being distracted by Wendy. "Oh man."

"Thank god," Ivan added. "I hate it when people invite themselves into voice chat like that."

The next moment, a message in-game appeared in Tyler's chat screen. Tyler took a closer look at it.

 _[Sparkstreams] whispers: How does it feel now, "pro"?_

 _Oh fuck this guy!_ Tyler thought to himself. Thus, he typed away at his keyboard with his own response.

 _To [Sparkstreams]: LOL the only reason u won was cuz Stan's stupid gf distracted me._

 _[Sparkstreams] whispers: Right._

 _[Sparkstreams] whispers: Admit it, "Miracle", you're not as good as you think you are. Funny that's your toon name._

 _To [Sparkstreams]: bcuz you bet us one time with pve procs gives you the audacity to trash talk, youre the definition of a rat. you guys lose to mage teams on a regular basis. thats right, the class you counter._

 _[Sparkstreams] whispers: So what does that make you, Tyler? Awful shadow priest, that ret player Preston is carrying you and you know it, so stop being so egotistical._

 _To [Sparkstreams]: not being egotistical, u moron hypocrite, ill still fuck ur ass in any day of the week_

 _[Sparkstreams] whispers: Is that a 1v1 challenge? Because I'll put you in your place fucker!_

 _To [Sparkstreams]: hell ya 1v1 meet me outside darnassus and make sure Bebe is on so she can watch me dumpster u ROFLKP_

 _[Sparkstreams] whispers: What does Bebe have to do with anything? Are you retarded?_

 _To [Sparkstreams]: i know you have a thing for bebe or some shit stop being such an IDioT weeb, you can keep your pve gear and legendary staff i'll still creampie you in full pvp gear_

* * *

"So yeah, I went 5-0 against Kyle last night, Ellen, be he's probably all pissed off now."

Tyler Hoffman was walking down the hallway with his girlfriend Ellen Joseph, average of size dressed in a light-blue hoodie and navy-blue pants, her short blonde hair only reaching halfway down her neck.

Ellen was a usually air-headed, optimistic girl on a sugar high, often theorized by many to have an unhealthy amount of sugar intake. For her hyperactivity, she was often made fun of by Wendy and her cohorts. However, she was rather in a distressed mood, not looking up from the floor. "Oh, Kyle Broflovski? Hate him."

Usually Ellen would happily bounce up and down, expecting Tyler to explain what Kyle looks like while she acted almost equivalent to a totally oblivious moron, but this wasn't the case today. Therefore, Tyler sensed Ellen being a lot more deadpan than usual. Something was definitely off about Ellen, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "Something wrong, Ellen?"

"Not much, just...I'm alright, that's all." Usually, Ellen would try to smother and hug Tyler, but she certainly wasn't in the mood.

As the two walked, they ran into Stan, Kyle, and Butters however. Kyle was not happy, his face nearly as red as his hair. "You're a cheater, Tyler."

"Me? Cheated? You're the one with the legendary staff!" Tyler then cupped his hands over his mouth to increase the volume of his next statement. "Best elemental shaman NA here in PvE gear lost to a shadow priest in PvP gear, boys and girls!"

"Well I wasn't feeling alright because..." Of course, Kyle couldn't admit his guilt of what he had done to Eric Cartman. Earlier, he and his friends manipulated Eric, tricking him into going into an obscure cabin in the woods with all his technological devices, and as a result, Kyle and the rest of his friends broke all of Eric's digital belongings assuming that Eric was skankhunt42, the person on the internet trolling the school message boards with misogynistic comments and photo-shopped images.

This, of course, gave an awkward pause from Kyle, and Tyler took advantage of the silence. "Yeah, you felt just right to have the nerve to trashtalk me after winning that arena match, and then I proceeded to dumpster you 5-0 in a 1v1 duel, haha, fuck you kiddo!" Tyler let out a laugh afterward. "Maybe stop making excuses and get good? Sorry I don't suck like Eric Cartman does!" Some of the student laughed.

"Well ultimately, you're going to pay today, one way or another, but this time, it's not me who's going to make you pay." Without another word, Kyle, Stan, and Butters left.

"Well who's going to make me pay, bad boy? Your lover Butters?" When Wendy and Stan started dating again, Tyler agreed not to publicly insult or fighting Stan as like as Wendy wouldn't do the same to Ellen. And while Tyler kept his word to this day, Wendy broke her side of the deal multiple times. Of course, Stan and Kyle were the strongest fourth graders at school, and only Eric dared only get into any physical altercations with them. After Kyle was out of earshot, Tyler turned back to Ellen. "What a stupid bitch."

"Agreed," Ellen nodded. "You haven't queued against Cole Dimmons, Isaac Dimmons, and Jenna Stoley?"

"I can't, those three will utterly annihilate us. Like, those three are probably secretly Korean or something, they're on a whole nother level. There's a reason why everyone in fourth grade calls Cole the best healer at the school. And not trying to discredit Isaac or Jenna either, those three make a godly LSD team."

"Yeah...speaking of WoW, I haven't seen Cartman on," Ellen pointed out.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Well I don't miss him, he trashtalks all the time. Well I do it too, but the difference is that he doesn't have the skill to back it up, and he's actually just a racist, sexist asshole."

"Okay, well all of those are true..." Ellen then sighed. "Someone broke all of Cartman's stuff. He can't go on the internet anymore."

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Like I give a shit about what happens to that fatass, he can go fuck himself."

Ellen nodded. "I mean I think he deserved it, but still..."

"There's something more to this, whenever you say 'but still'." Tyler peered at Ellen searchingly.

"This means he's not skankhunt42," Ellen reasoned. "His stuff was vandalized, but skankhunt42 still posted anyways."

Before anyone could say anything else, however, Wendy walked into the two. "Hey Tyler." She then turned to Ellen, stared at her, but didn't say a word.

Ellen glared her brown eyes upon Wendy's blue eyes before straightening out her light blue jacket. "I guess its time for me to leave," she said curtly, not taking her eyes off the raven-haired girl.

After Ellen was out of earshot, Wendy muttered, "Stupid crackwhore."

Tyler shook his head. He hated the petty rivalry between Ellen and the rest of Wendy's friends. "I get it, ya skank. You hate Ellen and her friends. Now hurry up and tell me what you want."

"The girls are planning something and Ellen and her friends are in on this," Wendy remarked.

"She's probably only in on it because you and Bebe specifically threaten her, I mean, Jenny Simon, Sally Turner, and some other popular girls don't have a problem with her, it's just you."

Wendy hated it whenever Tyler was being the reasonable one. Usually, it is Tyler being the jerkass, although she was one of the few people who knew that Tyler's jerkass act was all a facade, that deep down, he is as tender as Stan, although unlike Stan, he doesn't like to show it often. Not to mention, Tyler will never cross the line into truly condoning racism and sexism, so he was miles ahead of Eric Cartman in that regard. One of the many occasions would be when Wendy and Tyler would work for charities on some weekends, where Tyler is tender and loving to others in need, although Wendy does often have to drag Tyler's ass out of bed, much to his chagrin. He was also loyal to a fault, which of course worked against her whenever it involved Ellen. "Well it doesn't matter, but what does matter is that this skankhunt42 business though - you should care, because you will be involved, and you will be hurt, and you have to be ready to protect yourself emotionally from Ellen."

"Okay, gay talk aside, are you saying I should break up with her?" Tyler's jaw dropped open in horror. How could he possibly see this as reasonable. "What the hell, Wendy?" Sometimes, Tyler wondered if his cousin were truly insane.

"I can't tell you straight up, they're probably listening." Wendy did have a point there. The popular cheerleaders especially loved to spy on others, gather information to eventually use against others. "Something very bad is going to go down later today, and I can't protect others, not even Stan, but I can protect you."

"I don't understand, why can't you protect your boyfriend, I don't get it. I hate how you're so cryptic all the damn time. And why are the girls like this?" Girls are complicated, and Tyler knows girls as much as he knows quantum physics. "Why are you like this?"

Just then the bell rang. Wendy let out a groan. "Aw crap. I got to get to class, or Mr. Garrison will kill me for being late again. Well you watch yourself Tyler."

As Wendy left for Mr. Garrison's classroom, Tyler could only shake her head. "I swear, Goddamn bitch is crazier than I am." The more he thought about it, the more he was thinking she would be right. Every time Tyler mocked and doubted his cousin or her boyfriend, he would often get payback against him. With one last sigh, he made way to his fourth grade classroom, Mr. Gibbons.

* * *

It had to be a nightmare, or it had to be one huge, elaborate joke. Tyler was left speechless as he watched countless boys of all ages all over the hallways crying worse than a newborn baby. But he didn't understand why, until he walked by one of his longtime friends Ivan Taylor, a blonde boy with a purple jacket and green pants. Crying beneath his half-open locker, he held a piece of paper on his right hand.

Tyler knelt down. He was never full of fluff, never finding the right words to calm a crying person. "Hey...uh...what's up?"

"She broke up with me! Sheba Hadley broke up with me!" Ivan crumpled the paper with his right hand and threw it on the floor, sobbing just as loudly as all the surrounding boys.

Sheba and Ivan were both in Tyler's class, so the following days will be especially awkward. "Something ain't right here. I want a look at this." Ivan didn't try to stop Tyler as he picked up the crumpled piece of paper. Unfolding it straight, he began reading.

 _Ivan, I wish you understood me, but unfortunately, I guess we'll always be different. Don't call me, because I won't call you. - Sheba._

Tyler read the note multiple times over before throwing it down on the floor and shaking his head. "The fuck? I thought you two were happy together!" Looking over to his left, in the distance, he saw Preston Marlowe underneath his locker crying. He then looked to his right, seeing Ellen carry a piece of paper. At that moment, it immediately clicked. This must have been what Wendy had been referring to. And immediately, he went from headstrong to shivering emotionally in fear. "E-E-Ellen?"

Ellen didn't make any eye contact with Tyler. She offered out the piece of paper. "Here...this is for you..." Just then, tears started flowing down her eyes.

It was the first time Tyler could make any sort of tears in three years. He wasn't loud about it, he wasn't being as emotional as the other boys, but he could feel the warmth run down his face. Silently, he begrudgingly took the note and read it, his fingers trembling.

 _Tyler, I know your heart's in the right place, but it just doesn't fit with me. Sorry, but I break up. - Ellen._

"Ellen...y-y-you c-can't be serious!" Tyler was close to breaking down at this point.

Well, he would have, if it weren't for Ellen suddenly grabbing his collar and pulling him away. Tyler made no attempt to resist, too distraught over the note. But then Ellen pulled him outside to the side where the Goth kids were hanging out, and indeed they were there, but neither Ellen nor Tyler cared. "No! Fuck this!" Ellen forcefully pulled the note from Tyler and ripped it in half nine times, threw the scraps on the ground, and with her left foot stepped on it two and two dozen times.

Tears still resided on Tyler's face, but realizing what was going on, he was slowly able to maintain some semblance of control again. "Ellen?"

"I won't do it. I'm not going to break up with you." Ellen then pulled Tyler into the tightest hug, and Tyler hugged back. "I'm so sorry, I'm not going to do this to you."

They finally broke apart after ten whole seconds, but Tyler still held Ellen's sides with both his hands in a panicked state. "Ellen, what's going on?! You have to tell me!"

"T-they wanted me to break up with you, t-they think hurting boys is okay because of shankhunt, but I-I know you're not skankhunt, and I don't want to leave you like this!" Ellen continued to cry into Tyler's right shoulder.

Tyler couldn't believe what he was hearing. Because skankhunt42 was being an asshole on the internet, the girls decided that was good cause to break the hearts of many boys? "W-why didn't you tell me this earlier? I might have taught those dumb bitches a lesson or something-"

"No! It would never have worked...but I don't care about them anymore! Wendy and Bebe were always mean, so why should I?!" For two whole minutes, Ellen continued to cry, then afterward, she slowly ceased crying. "I-if there's anything I can do for you-"

"Ellen, it's not your fault, you don't have to blame yourself," Tyler pleaded. "It's those girls."

"I-I just want some fucking ice cream. Let's get some ice cream."

Tyler still wondered to himself how the topic suddenly shifted to ice cream just now. But he didn't mind, he was getting sick of even thinking about Wendy's friends. "When school ends," Tyler said. "But you know, you are supposed to break up with me, so when we go back to class...we gotta pretend we hate each other, so no one knows...unless you want others to know?"

"Oh like Romeo and Juliet?" As Ellen cleared away her tears, she was starting to go back to her energetic self.

"Yeah," Tyler replied. "Just like those two."

"Yay! I love you!"

At last, the two remembered why they loved each other so much. Ellen was optimistic, energetic, and a bit air-headed at times, which annoyed some of the girls. On the other hand, she was one of the most loving girls in the fourth grade. And while Tyler is confident, brave, and sometimes a bit aggressive and reckless, he had a warm side to him, and was loyal to a fault. "I...er...l-l-l-l-o-o-o-v-v-v-e-e...you too."

Ellen giggled. As brave a Tyler could be, he could never spit out the three magic words properly, and it was because he was insecure and afraid to admit his love. Despite that, Ellen knew Tyler had other ways to show his appreciation, so she didn't force it out of him. She ruffled Tyler's hair with her right hand. "I-I mean, the girls think it's the boys fault, but it's not like it couldn't have been another girl or an adult that could have done this either."

Tyler kept his hands on Ellen's hips, knowing Ellen was right, but neither had any clue about who could have been skankhunt42. "Well shit, you're right. But none of us have any clue who skankhunt is."

Of course, the Goth Kids had been watching all of this from a few feet away. The tall and oldest Goth kid, Michael, just wanted to gag and vomit after watching all of this. "This is so gay."

"But you have to give Ellen credit though," Henrietta, the fat girl, spoke. "She's being a non-conformist against a bunch of Hannah-Montana-wannabe-girls who apparently thinks its okay to break up with boys because some anonymous guy hurt their feelings on the internet."

A shorter kid, with some red streaks on his black hair, named Pete, raised an eyebrow at the others. "Yeah, this sounds pretty fucked, and I, for one, am glad Tyler and Ellen are being non-conformists."

Ellen and Tyler both laughed. "I guess we'll take that as a compliment!" Ellen said happily.

"Alright, let's go back to class?" Tyler was about to open the door into the main school building.

However, Ellen tugged Tyler back. "We should go in through different doors."

Tyler nodded, understanding why. "Right. Well I'll just go through the playground."

After the two hugged one last time, they would part ways. The note Ellen tore up so many times would be picked up by the winds, its scraps dispersing through the distance until finally settling into some snow.

* * *

Wendy was finally able to wipe away the tears from her eyes. It hurt her seeing how shocked and distressed Stan was as he received the break-up note from her. She knew the girls had to make their voices heard, as she was one of the pioneers of the movement, but she hated that the girls would rather jump the gun and resort to manipulating the hearts of the boys rather than try to set things straight. But here, she was powerless.

She, Red, and Bebe peered out of the girls' bathroom door and watched Tyler open his locker from a distance. They knew some boys and girls had no part in this drama, as none of those people would even have a boyfriend/girlfriend. For example, no girl in their right mind would go on a date with Damien Thorn, the son of Satan. One unique exception to this however, were Craig and Tweek, who "supposedly" hooked up a few weeks ago - of course, none of the girls knew this was all an act.

"So did Tyler and Ellen break up or something?" Bebe asked, putting her left hand on her left hip. "He doesn't look all sad."

"If they really didn't, I'm going to have a chat with Ellen, and it won't be pretty." Red cracked her knuckles.

"Well maybe Tyler did break up, but he's just good at hiding it," Wendy reasoned.

"Yeah, you're probably right," Bebe replied.

As Bebe and Red retreated back into the restroom stalls, Wendy remained watching Tyler. She saw a small smirk form across Tyler's face, and at that moment she knew her cousin would be okay, that she knew there were people brave enough to stand up against this injustice, even if they couldn't publicly speak out against it. And who could, when the popular girls ruled the others with an iron fist, always ready to dispatch any girl who wouldn't listen?

Wendy followed Tyler as he walked out of school. But interestingly, he turned into the police station. For a moment, Wendy was wondering if Tyler would try to report a crime of some sort, but by one of the walls of the police station in the parking lot was Ellen. Tyler and Ellen pulled into a kiss, then a hug. Wendy smiled. Being a pawn to the other girls, Ellen had a lot less to lose, but if Wendy tried the same thing with Stan, the other girls would have easily known, and Wendy would have suffered far worse repercussions than Ellen would. But despite her dislike for Ellen, she was glad Tyler was happy.

"Let's go to the mall," Ellen said.

"It's just Tuesday though, and wouldn't they see us?" Tyler asked.

"Duh, you dummy, that's exactly why we should go today! Because it's Tuesday, so no one will be at the mall!" Ellen replied. "But I'll buy for you this time, to make it up to you for almost breaking your heart!"

"All right, thanks! Well let's go then!"

Tyler's jerkass facade turned off a lot of Wendy's close friends, but he could never fool Wendy herself. She knew him longer than she knew Stan. He wasn't afraid to be a rebel, a bad boy, but this time, Wendy was glad for Tyler being who he was.

* * *

 **Hopefully you guys liked this short little story about how an OC couple deals with the upcoming gender war. Until next time.**


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